I was browsing my Facebook feed and I stumbled upon an article entitled, “Optimists Get Discouraged First”.
As a die-hard optimist, this got my attention. While I felt a little resistant to the title of the article, I learned a lot from what I read.
The bottom line of this article was that many optimists think that “thinking positive” guarantees that there will be a good outcome and are consequently, often disappointed or discouraged when things don’t turn out the way they hoped.
Many of us are trained that our thoughts create our reality. We’re taught that if you simply think “positive” then you will have a positive outcome in all areas of your life.
Oh how I wish this was true!
For years the personal growth and development/self-help/new age industry has been teaching us this formula. Have good, happy thoughts and you’ll have a good, happy outcome.
Conversely, if you’re not having a good, happy outcome, it’s because you’re not having the right good, happy thoughts.
Do you know how many people with cancer I’ve coached who have had good, happy thoughts and still had “negative” outcomes in their lives? One of my dearest friends had a son who died of cancer at 16. Even though they thought many, many good, happy thoughts, their son still died. And my friend went on to die of cancer two years ago. Did they have dark thoughts that created their illnesses?
This is a very important contemplation for us to explore at this time right now.
We are deeply entrained in a masculine model of story-telling. Not only that, 80% of our personal growth and development leaders are men (even though 80% of the people who buy from them are women…).
In the masculine model of story telling, the “hero”, who is facing a life challenge that transforms him, goes through an experience that creates tension and disruption in his life. Then, after experiencing much suspense, temptation and friction, our hero experiences a climatic “show down” of sorts. He then dies to his old identity and is reborn into his new identity.
Listen carefully to many of the people who lead the self-help industry and you’ll hear this formula. It’s also usually accompanied by their own personal “hero” story and followed up with if “I can do it, you can do it too…”.
Please know that I am not trying to diss any of the leaders in my industry.
But this model of story telling has a dark side and I’ve seen it over and over again.
We tend to buy into the idea that there is a formula for creating success, getting a soul mate, making more money, the perfect diet, the right way to meditate….etc. If we just follow the formula, we’ll get it “right”.
Do you know how many people I have coached over the years who have followed “the formula” and still not had the results they hoped for?
Or people who have followed the formula, experienced success and then hit a wall of “failure” again?
There is no formula for Life. Humans are not formulas. And if you’re not experiencing the “perfect” outcome, you’re NOT failing.
If we rework the story telling model and make it feminine, the feminine model of story telling informs us that life has challenges and cycles. There is always death, birth and all the messy stuff in between. Your life is cyclical and those cycles involve love, blood, sacrifice, learning, growth, aging, expansion and often the same “devil” that you have to make peace with every time you up-level on the spiral of your life.
The feminine model of story-telling is a spiral. The masculine model of story-telling is simply one slice of the feminine spiral.
The feminine model of story-telling isn’t about slaughtering and defeating the monsters at each turn of the spiral. It’s about being resilient, holding on for the long-haul, making peace with the monsters because you know you’re going to have to meet them (again and again) and taking the twists and corners of the spiral in a way that is sustainable and enduring and allows for a long life rooted in expansion and well-being.
When we are resilient, we are able to use the “plot twist” of our stories as pushing off points for growth and expansion, to build up our ability to use change as a way to grow our influence and to be better able to not only take care of ourselves, but to also take care of the world.
We are not conquering in the feminine model. We are sustaining.
At this time on the planet we are facing a marathon of change. The “plot twist” of our collective story line has taken an unexpected turn and there are no guarantees.
I’m saying this not as a doom sayer. I’m saying this because life doesn’t follow a formula. You can hedge the bets in your favor but if things don’t work out the way you imagined on your Vision Board, it doesn’t mean that you screwed up, that you’re broken, stuck or blocked.
Maybe the real challenge here is to endure, to remember that life is long and that each day is precious. That we are to greet the sunrise with faithful anticipation and watch the sunset with gratitude for another day of blessings and sufficiency.
Our optimism will, ultimately, influence our experience and even our creation of reality. Personally, I am 100,000,000% certain that we are on the cusp of creating an equitable, sustainable and peaceful world. I feel it in my bones and my soul!!
But I know that the road ahead will have lots of twists and turns and unexpected “adventures”. That’s life doing what it does. I trust that Divine Mind working through me (and all of us) has a plan that my tiny human mind might not always be able to see.
My goal is to stay flexible, resilient, enduring and to follow the course of each day with the expectation that, in the end, our lives have meaning and purpose and that, in hindsight, we’ll see the lessons we are learning through wise, experienced eyes.
When we live true to who we are, when we see the arc of our personal story line as a spiral that allows us to fulfill our soul curriculum and that unique, vital and irreplaceable role that is our right place in the Cosmic Plan – that right place that only YOU can fulfill – we’ll see that our lives are incredibly precious, that there is no getting it “wrong” and that your mission here in this incarnation is to fulfill the full potential of your unique human story and to add that story to the anthology of Humanity.
Living as an optimist does cause you to experience your reality in a more positive way, it increases your ability to give more of yourself to the world. (Research even shows that optimists live longer!)
Being an optimist won’t magically create the perfect outcome. BUT, being optimistic will influence your experience of the outcome you’re living in. And being optimistic will make you more creative and more resilient.
Life is long. Make each day count. Stay the course and sustain yourself. And use this powerful collective “pause” as an opportunity to align more deeply with the true story of Who You Really Are.
From my Heart to Yours,
You can still register for the Integrity Course. (My goal is to have 500 students – I need 163 more! Will you help me spread the word?)
Lesson three is already posted so you can get started as soon as you register!
During this six-video home study course you’re going to learn:
- How to identify where you have a breech in integrity and how it’s impacting your life
- How your Human Design influences your Integrity and what you need to do to create greater alignment with your Human Design
- Your unique energy needs and how your energy needs influence your relationships
- How to increase your self-worth and your sense of value
- How to set better boundaries and take better care of yourself
- How to cultivate a deeper understanding of your Human Design chart
- How to create a deeper connection and take the right actions to live your Life Purpose
What you’ll get:
- 6 home-study videos and homework to help you discover how to live in Integrity
- A Facebook group where you can connect with others and join us for “watch parties” and FB lives as we share our insights with each other
- Access to the Human Design Types classes so you can learn more about living true to your Type
- On Sunday, April 5, we’ll have a 4-hour “Virtual Retreat” where we’ll explore the themes we cover in the program together online.
Look, I know we’re stuck at home worrying about what’s next for our lives. This is a great time to take the reins and influence the aspects of your life that you have control over.
I’m offering this program on a donation basis. Pay what you can. Usually I’d charge $97 for a program like this. BUT, these are not “normal” times. Let’s use this program as an opportunity to create deeper alignment and integrity in our lives. Let’s also use this as an opportunity to be in community with each other as we pull back and re-assess who we are personally and collectively.