February is all about love languages, chocolate-covered strawberries, hearts, and flowers. Then March comes its unpredictable weather, too late for winter and too early for spring. It is a great time to get on each other’s last nerve.
In the movie Mr & Mrs Smith, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie end up in a shoot-out with an army of bad guys in a home decorating store. They stood back to back, guns in each hand, in defense of each other.
Isn’t that what we want in a relationship? Someone to have our back?
However, by the time the smoke clears from around them in that sexy, final shootout clip, we have forgotten the first of the movie where they were in counseling for a mundane marriage just before they were assigned to kill each other.
That’s the part that could use a little work.
No person or relationship is perfect and arguments and disagreements are not only inevitable, they are necessary IF they are held in a healthy, constructive way. A good argument actually increases intimacy and helps establish healthy boundaries. A bad argument can end a good relationship over something as stupid and forgettable as a bag of popcorn.
A relationship means you are balancing the need for individuality and the desire to operate effectively as a team. That creates a conundrum in itself for just you. Now toss in another person with the same conundrum in to the mix and you have the prime opportunity for spiritual growth in integrity…or the apocalypse. You get to decide which you want.
Did you know that you can find answers in your and your partner’s chart to why some inane remark makes your blood boil?
Have you every shocked yourself with the mean, hateful things that fly out of your mouth in your voice? It happens.
My husband has a channel called the verbal gunslinger (Channel 20-10) which gives him the energy to say the most direct barbs to my heart. Only 99% of the time, he doesn’t say them. I, on the other hand, can amplify that energy and come up the most hateful words that should never be spoken to anyone, much less to someone I love. I amazed myself and not in a good way. The last time I channeled this energy, I shouted some of the worst things possible then without a second’s hesitation, I shouted just as angrily, “And I don’t mean a thing I just said!” We never fought like that again, fortunately.
But, why should I have to be diplomatic? They started it.
Blame and being blamed can be found in the chart, too. It is the low expression of energy that guides you in self love. That energy is there for your higher good. You just need to learn how to use it. You can also find in the chart the irrepressible desire to fight for right or Fight. To. Be. Right.
Hi, my name is Agalia Baker and I am neither a marriage counselor nor a therapist so if your relationship has progressed to this point, please seek the appropriate professional help. But, if you want to know how you naturally respond to verbal disagreements and how to turn your unhealthy arguments into healthy ones, I’m your gal. I’m 37 years and counting into a marriage with the man I love. It was a second marriage for us both so I know when to cut my losses. I’ve had colds that lasted longer than my first marriage. Together, my husband and I have the blended family of his and her kids, exes, the joys and pain of step-parenting and step-grandparenting. I have battle experience. I also love Human Design and how working with my chart, I am able to stop taking some things so personally. I can see when my partner is fighting his own design and conditioning which really has nothing to do with me. I have had learn to stand up for myself and expect kindness and respect without having to fight for it. I, also, had to learn how to give it when I really wanted revenge instead.
What can this mean for you?
I recently had a young couple in my office still edgy from a fight just before seeing me. He had made breakfast for his wife in bed hoping that she would get the hint that his Open G needed her to do things like this for him to feel loved and appreciated. Just in case she didn’t get the hint, his mouth said, “Why don’t you do things like this for me sometime?” Her Open Will took in his unfortunate words but heard, “You aren’t a good wife for me.” Stung, she whipped out her verbal gunslinger and that was where the fight began…
You, too, can learn the skills to stop petty fights in their tracks and speak your needs without the drama. Understanding your chart and your communication styles are where you need to start.
Come explore how to communicate effectively even when in conflict. It is perhaps the most important love language of all.
Agalia Baker is a Level 4 Human Design Specialist and Level 3 Quantum Alignment System Practitioner. To find out more on how to work with Agalia please visit her Specialist Page by clicking here.