Here is an email that I received from one of my subscribers. I think this amazing woman poses some very, very important questions that we all need to be thinking about:
Over the next few weeks I will be posting some of my responses on my Human Design blog. I hope that you will join me in this conversation and that some of our collective insights might help you help the children in your life.
I will start with some of my personal thoughts and ideas and then follow up with some thoughts related to Human Design, as well as intentional parenting.
(If I sound radical or even slightly frustrated in sharing some of my ideas, please forgive me. This topic is a pretty hot topic for me personally as a mother of five children and a child development specialist. My intention is to offer some solutions and creative ideas but I can’t promise I won’t take off on a tangent periodically….)
My first thought in answering the question what should we be doing for our children to prepare them for what they will be responsible for is this. We have to “clean up” our own issues, conditioning and belief systems that keep us from seeing our children as the perfect creatures they are designed to be.
My dinner table has been a gathering place for many teenagers over the 8 years. I have borne witness to some pretty amazing conversations and brilliance coming out of the mouth of “babes”. If we are to deliver our world into the hands of the young adults, teens and children of today, I think that the world and its inhabitants are going to be in pretty good hands.
I think we are the ones we should be worried about first. I would argue that in order to effectively “raise” the next generation, we need to carefully examine some of our old beliefs that I believe no longer really apply to children of today.
Here are some basic beliefs that I invite us to think about releasing:
1. Children don’t have a natural urge to learn. If we leave them to their own devices, all they’ll do is play and goof off.
2. Children need to suffer to learn.
3. Discipline, rigor and repetition are the only ways a child can master anything.
4. Children misbehave because they want attention.
5. Children misbehave because they are spoiled.
6. Children misbehave because they are stubborn.
7. Children are selfish and self-centered and need to be trained to be compassionate, giving and to care about others.
8. Children can’t control how they behave.
9. Your child’s behavior is a reflection of your adequacy as a parent.
10. There is a formula to raising and education children “correctly”. Follow the formula and “poof”…you get a perfect child.
11. Play is a frivolous part of childhood. So is the freedom to experiment and explore.
12. Spanking and good, hard discipline = love to a child.
13. Total freedom = love to a child.
There are many more beliefs that we need to give some serious thought to. I welcome your thoughts and I propose a new paradigm for supporting children in the natural “unfolding” of who they are.
First and foremost, the most important question anyone who loves a child (or adults, even!) needs to ask is this:
Who are you and how can I best support you on your journey?
The second thing we need to consider is how has our own upbringing and social/collective conditioning contributed to our perception of children? How we are conditioned to “see” our children greatly influences our expectations and how we treat our children.
Let me clarify. Look at the picture below and see the image of two people’s faces looking at each other:
Do you see them?
Now look at the image again. Do you see the vase?
Usually, when people look at this optical illusion, they will see the image that they expect to see. If I say faces, most people will see faces. If I say vase, most people will see a vase.
What you are conditioned to expect influences your perception.
This isn’t just woo-woo consciousness stuff. It’s actually neurobiology. Our brains contain an information selection system call the Reticular Activating System (RAS). At any given point in time, we have the potential to be overwhelmed by stimulation. The RAS creates an “information filter” in your brain so that you only pay attention to the stimulation that is alignment with your expectation.
How many times have you decided to purchase a new car and suddenly seen that car everywhere you go. Are there really more of those cars on the road or are you noticing them because that particular car is part of your information filter?
In relationships, people will often rise (or fail) to meet our expectation depending on our expectations and beliefs, i.e. our conditioning.
People have basic needs. Human Design shows us that in the highest expression of our True Self we are:
· Perceive ourselves as lovable
· Have high self-worth
· Live and express ourselves authentically
· We are courageous and take leaps of faith
· We know how to make effective decisions and have a sense of personal power
· We are emotionally wise
· We understand our own “knowingness” and trust our own insights
· We know how to leverage our energy so that we are sustainable in life
When children (and adults) are not being supported in expressing these energies appropriately, they will misbehave or in some way challenge the system.
In other words if a child (or adult) is not feeling, lovable, worthy, authentic or like their choices are respected and if they are frightened, emotional and tired, they will misbehave or have other challenges.
Misbehavior is simply a way to communicate that someone is not aligned with their Truth.
When we understand this, it helps us to rewrite some of our old beliefs about children. This awareness helps us understand that misbehavior is simply a child’s way of communicating that they aren’t feeling loved, valued, powerful and accepted for who they are.
When we, as teachers, parents, grandparents and people who used to be children ourselves understand these key needs, we can begin to support children in finding appropriate ways to communicate their needs and support the child in discovering ways to get their basic needs met.
I believe that each human being is a uniquely designed, magnificent being. (Children and adults alike.) The way in which we express and feel our lovability, power and worthiness will be different for each and every one of us.
True love comes when you accept and create space for someone to be exactly as they are created to be. Human Design is a powerful tool to help you truly see your Loved Ones (and yourself) and support them in expressing their Divine Magnificence.
When you understand how your child, parent, friends, lovers, partners are energetically wired, you learn how to honor who they are, treat them with respect and love them without the blinders of conditioned expectations.
Stay tuned. Next week I will write more about supporting children. I want to share with you some thoughts on mutation and evolution and where I think we’re headed with these amazing kids!
Remember to hug each other tight and say, “I love you” at least 10 times a day!